Let's hug it out

One-armed hugs are bullshit.


There are few things on Earth that puzzle me more than the one-armed hug. Either you want to hug me or you don't. I come from a long line of huggers. My Grandpa Graham was perhaps the greatest hugger in the history of man. He would hug you before he knew your name. And while I am not at his level, when I hug someone, I like to bring it in for the real thing. I don't care if you're a man or a woman, or if your ass is in or sticking out, if you want to hug me, be prepared for the big bear to get his paws on you.

I think the main reason people go with the single arm special is they feel pressure to have to hug. As such, they throw that weak arm around you, or do one of those to-the-side jobs. Those two moves are totally useless. They're useless because they're insincere. A hug is a sign of affection, and if it's done only halfway, the person is telling you they're probably only doing it because they feel they have to. This is particularly true of goodbye hugs. I'd rather someone just smile and wave. The only time a one-armed hug is acceptable is if the person only has one arm.

From this day forward, I will no longer accommodate one-armed hugs by reciprocating in kind. I have made this proclamation before, and for the most part stayed true to it. But now, 100% of the time, whether you bring it in with one arm or two, both of mine are going around you, and you can be the silly looking one with their one arm dangling to the side. And guys, if you want to shake my hand, shake my hand, but realize if you curl in to put your free arm around me, I will break grip.

I think most would agree two arms around you are better than one, so get ready America.